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This is one of the few that looks a little more like his daddy. I think for the most part he looks like my side. Either way, so handsome!!


My sweet, sweet nephew, Joe came to see Gunner and he hand wrapped (gift bag and a walmart grocery sack for the tissue paper) this stuffed animal for gunner. The sweetest part, and the part that made me cry, was that it is one of Joe's stuffed animals that he picked out to give to Gunner. On the tag it has Joseph written on it (with a backwards J). It is well "loved" and doesn't look new but it will be one of Gunner's favorites!

He almost ALWAYS has his hands up by his face. So cute- even when we swaddle him up nice and tight he manages to wiggle his arms out.

His first trip out since we were home. It was just to the dr but he did pretty well.

This just makes me laugh. His eyes are so big. He almost looks startled- he gets this look a lot when he is in his car seat.

I love this sweet boy. This is right after his first little sponge bath at home. He hated every minute of it, but it wore him right out for a nice nap for mama. :)

So here is the rest of the story...

So I told you that we were going to have a C-section and here is how it went. We got to the hospital around 3:30 so they could get me all preped and what not- Mind you, I had to be fasting from 7am on- NOT EVEN WATER!! As any pregnant person knows, you are not just hungry when you skip a meal but you get really sick too! So I was not feeling great and combine that with nerves and heightened emotion, you can imagine how I was doing. Good, not great. Cody is so good at trying to make me feel better, even when I am grumpy back at him.

So around 5:20 or so, they had me walk into the operating room and Cody went into the recovery room until I was done getting the epidural, then they let him come in. The epidural was SO not what I expected. Everyone always complains about it saying it hurts so bad- I honestly hardly even felt it. The anticipation was worse than anything. I must have had a good anesthesiologist. I was also AMAZED at how fast it worked! I was already practically numb by the time they had me lay on the table. All and all it took less than 15 minutes to get him out of there and less than 30 to have me sewn up and back in recovery with him.

It was freezing in the operating room and I guess I react to the anesthetic by shivering. I was shaking so bad! It was crazy. My sister, who has had 3 c-sections, told me it feels like you can't control your own breathing once you are numb up to your bra line. It is true, a very strange feeling and I am glad I was forwarned or I would have freaked out, I think.

So my wonderful OB came in at that point and chatted while she was getting ready. They raised the shield so I couldn't see and then brought Cody in. Normally they don't let you film a c-section because it is a major surg and liability and all that but our dr is awesome and let us film it. I haven't been brave enough to watch it yet. I could see a littl of what was going on in the reflection of the light above the table, although I didn't look too closely.

I could feel them working but no pain at all. Very weird feeling. Before Cody could even take the video camera out of the case, the anesthesiologist said, well if you want to capture anything you better hurry! Seriously, such a strange feeling knowing we were going to meet our little boy for the first time!

The little guy was really in there well, so well, in fact, that she had to use the vaccum to get him out! So sad, it left a little sore spot on his head. Cody said it is pretty rough watching them pull the baby out by the head. I remember the nurse pushing on the top of my stomach to help squeeze him out and thinking, I wonder if anyone has broken ribs doing this. LOTS OF PRESSURE! I remember talking to lil Gunner before he came out assuring him that it was ok to come out. I felt a certain closeness to that little boy even more so than during my whole pregnancy and I hadn't even seen or heard him yet.

When he first came out I heard Cody saying, "It's a baby, babe!" over and over. My OB said, laughing, "well what were you expecting, puppies?" It certainly was an unreal experience.

They brought him around the shield so I could see him. I remember his little eyes looking at me and blinking like "what just happened". They cleaned him up a little and brought him over to me. They laid him on my chest and let me hold him for a few minutes. They usually take them away pretty fast when it is a c-section so I feel pretty lucky to have gotten to hold him right away.

They sewed me up and told me that my pelvic area was pretty narrow and I probably would not have been able to deliver naturally anyway. My fluid was so low that when they made the incision, instead of a gush of water, she said it was more like a trickle that came out. Also, the cord was around his neck and with such low fluid around him, that could have been life threatening if I were to have tried to push him out. The placenta was spent as well, like we thought. I can't even think about the "what ifs", I am just so grateful to my wonderful OB for being inspired enough and acting on her instincts to go straight to a c-section and not trying to induce.

Because of the medication they had me on Gunner's blood sugar was a little low so they had me give him an ounce of formula right away to boost it up. It shot right back up and hasn't had trouble since.

He had a little jaundice that also cleared up on his own and resolved. We are so blessed and he is such a good baby. He eats ROUND THE CLOCK but when he sleeps he is pretty sound. He is not fussy or hard to deal with at all- such a blessing. I hope it lasts!

The C-section recovery has been much better than I first expected. Get me right, it is not a piece of cake, but I have been blessed to be able to get up and down and walk around on my own fairly quickly. They have you try 12 HOURS AFTER SURGERY! Not so great the first attempt but by day two I could roam the halls in my hot gown. :)

I am tired and insanely emotional at night (hate the long long nights) when it is a big unknown if he is going to sleep well or nurse for 3 hours straight (yes, that has happened 2 or 3 times now), but we are so grateful to finally have our Gunner Samuel here!

Thanks to all for all the support and prayers on our behalf!

It is time!

So the time has come! We went to my regular weekly ultrasound and stress test yesterday and they re measured the little guy. He was estimated at 7lbs 15oz. That's right just an ounce shy of 8lbs with almost 3 weeks to go-
Well they also measured his amniotic fluid and it had dropped from last time. This is pretty normal toward the end of pregnancy but apparently it has dropped enough and my placenta looked "done" enough to warrant concern... Not immediate danger to the baby or me but things could get tricky so... C-section scheduled today at 5:30!!! What the heck! I thought MAYBE we would get induced this weekend or Monday, but 24 hours!!! WOW!
She said that because I wasn't dialated at all yet that she didn't think the whole process would go very quickly and she didn't want to put me thorugh all of that on the off chance of it working but then to find out the baby is too big any way! So we picked the safer and more predictable route. Wouldn't have been my first choice to do a C-section just for the healing factor but I really am glad we have concerned and cautions dr that wants this baby here almost as badly as we do.
So there we have it! Little Gunner Samuel Zandt will be here this evening sometime after 5:30! Pictures to come!

Chubby Baby

I am finally posting again! Sorry! I have been getting weekly ultrasounds and having stress tests done bi-weekly so we have been busy busy! Even having 3 appts on average to go to a week for this little man, I can't complain. Not many people get to see their baby so often before they are born and on top of that, he is perfectly healthy! Couldn't ask for anything more! We are so blessed! He is a tank apparently- weighing in so far at 6lbs4oz. That is a normal weight for a full term baby, and we still have 5 weeks!! Look out! I do love chubby babies....when they don't have to come out of me!! I have a new appreciation of mother's that deliver big babies! I am already anticipating all the " did he have gestational diabetes" questions. No, people, I just married a giant! :) So excited to meet the little....well not so little.....man!

It's a BOY!!!!

There is no denying it, boy all the way!!!

He just wanted to wave hello. :)

We are excited and I am relieved that my mother's intuition is up to par- My mom and sister both knew what they were having before their ultrasounds so the pressure was on!!! I did think it was a boy, and he is! We are going to name him Gunner. We don't have a middle name for sure yet. Yea!!!

Weight-ing Game

So, I was feeling very lucky so far in the weight gain department. The first 14 weeks I didn't gain any weight. Great! I was hopeful that this would mean I would keep this going and when I had my 25lb baby, I would be at my goal weight a few days post delivery....that is a realistic goal...right?!
Well, my dreams were dashed rapidily when the apparent honeymoon of weight gain was over. Yes, I gained 5lbs in 2 days just recently! Yes, I have also done the calculations and I will, at this rate, be fork lifted into the delivery room with an additional 400+ lbs...Good thing Cody loves my sweet spirit and the goodness of my, rapidly artery clogging, heart.

Doppler Days

So since I am now considered out of the scary zone of pregnancy, I no longer have the need for such frequent ultrasounds......well I have the need, but apparently, medically, they don't. :) Therefore, I bought my own medical quality doppler so I can hear my baby's heartbeat every day! Cody said I need to limit myself to once a day so I don't freak myself out when I can't find it right away. :) It is fun to hear. It makes me feel better. It is only excessive if I didn't have the history that I do! For us it is peace of mind!! ** side not- this picture is obviously not me. My belly is not quite that big.....yet!

Cute Baby

So I still don't have my scanner set up so I took a picture of our ultrasound with my phone and emailed it to myself. :) Not the best quality but it is something! I have another appt today but I don't know if they are doing another ultrasound or just listening to the heart beat. Either way, I know I am spoiled with the amount of peaks I have had at our sweet baby. My dad said with all these pictures, the first word he will say is Paparazzi! What a great profile!

All is well, All is well!

We had another ultrasound yesterday. It is generally used for older women who are pregnant or high risk pregnancies for down syndrome. I am not past the safe age and we have no risk factors for down syndrome but my OB was nice enough to arrange it so we could have a more detailed look at our cute baby. "He" ( not sure yet, but we will call him he) was measuring a few days bigger than we originally calculated which is GREAT! He passed all the measurements and tests with flying colors and has all the right parts. His heart was beating strong at 158bpm and we saw the cord pulsing away to keep him strong. Cody and I are so blessed and so grateful! Thank you all for all the prayers! We are so excited!! Pictures to come when Cody sets up my scanner. :)

11 Weeks and counting!

I wasn't supposed to have another appt with the OB until the 2nd, but I worked for her on Saturday ( yes, from time to time I switch ends and work at an OB instead of a dental office. ) She asked if I wanted to take another look at the baby, so I called Cody and had him come down to the office and we got to see our little baby again. LOOKS GREAT! Longer arms and legs than last time and lots bigger. He ( I am just guessing it's a boy, too early to know yet) was moving all around and heart beating away like crazy. We got more pictures of him. I am super excited and relieved. We are still a few weeks away from being at our furthest point but I am so so hopeful! I am still feeling sick and that is fine by me. Bring it on! I am supposed to set up another ultrasound in a few weeks so more updates are to come! Thanks for all the prayers! Keep em coming!!

Fifth Times a Charm!

Well, I guess anyone that reads this probably already knows, but we are pregnant again! Yea!! We are super excited! We are due August 21- My AMAZING Ob has been taking very good care of us and lets us get an ultrasound every two weeks. It helps put us at ease, although a slight anxiety attack occurs before each appointment. In the past, the second ultrasound usually proves to be disappointing, but not this time! We saw a HUGE change and it officially looks like a baby. I will try and get the pictures posted soon. We have another appt on the 2nd so I will keep this updates coming. We are truely blessed! Thanks to all for the support and prayers. Keep them coming!!

Life's lessons

Amanda has told me a couple times that I need to blog about my "life lessons" of late. I don't have a problem talking about them really but I don't know why I feel weird Blogging it out there. I guess it is safe to say my family may be the only ones that ever read our blog so maybe this is just therapeutic for me......

I have been pregnant 4 times...Cody and I have had 4 losses.... The first time we found out we were pregnant was in July of 08- we went to 4th of July breakfast with my fam (minus my mom, who was in the hospital :( and my out of state family). Cody and I weren't sure when we should tell everyone, what with pregnancy etiquette and all, so we decided that we would make a little birthday video for my niece, Sydney, and at the end of it say Love, Aunt Kaka Uncle Coco and......baby Zandt coming in March 2009. That baby never came. He was due on my birthday. Most babies don't come right on their due date so sharing a birthday would not have likely been an issue. I was pretty sure he was a "he", although we did not have any testing done to find out.

I was nervous about the pregnancy after "spotting" at 6 weeks. After an ultrasound, I felt better but was still nervous. Our first official dr appt was in August- I was 10 weeks and we saw our baby with all little limb buds, a hand waving at us, and a strong little heart beat and a little face looking right at us. He looked perfect, right size and all. We got several pictures of him which went right on the fridge. I was pretty sick and very tired. All good signs. I felt little cramps here and there but thanks to the internet, I learned that most people have those. Nothing ever really sounded good to eat but I COULD NOT eat chicken. It is weird because I really like chicken generally. I can only describe the experience as what it must feel like to have amnesia. I knew I used to like chicken but for the life of me, I could NOT eat it. Other meats were fine and I actually craved fish- a common off limits food for preg women. Prenatals daily, lots of water, eating right- the works. Sept 14th I woke up in the middle of the night and went to the bathroom. There was a tiny bit of spotting but not enough that I would have ever noticed except I was overly cautious from my 6 week scare. The day before we has been out all day, gone to a movie, went swimming and I was a little crampy all day. I figured it was from all the activities and maybe I was dehydrated. I woke Cody up and told him about it. He asked if I wanted to go to the ER and I said I thought I was fine. He fell back asleep but I just kept thinking about it. I wasn't stressed or even very nervous but I just couldn't sleep. I woke him back up and said that maybe it would be less busy and a shorter wait going in the middle of the night rather than in the morning. We joked around about the dumb nurse saying my weight out loud so Cody could hear it as we waited for the ER dr to do an exam. Blood work, fluids and an ultrasound and we waited. I thought even still at this point that the dr was going to say I just needed to drink more water and take it easy the rest of the weekend. As she came in to our little room, she said she was very sorry and that the baby had stopped growing. The fetal size was only measuring 9 weeks now, even though I was 14 weeks pregnant. My womb was measuring 12 weeks so the best they could guess was that we lost the baby somewhere between 9 and 12 weeks. Devastated and very confused, Cody and I sat and cried. It wasn't real. It could be. They gave us a few minutes and then discharged us from the hospital. As we were leaving the hospital Cody stopped at the window and just stared out for a minute watching the sunrise. "One day",he said, "We will be back here when our baby is born and I am going to look out this window at the sun knowing that we get to take our baby home". They next day was a long sad one. We slept a lot, cried a lot and zoned out to old Friends episodes. That was a good distraction. Every time I would wake up from falling asleep I would realize, no this was not a dream and I had lost my baby. I kept praying and praying that I would not pass the baby on my own. I don't think I could have handled that. The Lord blessed us- I was not uncomfortable and I did not see anything. I was scheduled to have a D and C the next night. My regular Ob dr postponed leaving on vacation so that she would be the one to preform the surgery for me. I love her. Cody and I felt amazingly blessed through this that we were never bitter or wondering why this would have happened to us. We were sad, devastated yes, but not mad or bitter. We realized more than anything the importance of God's will, not ours. A lot of people have said that we will have the chance to raise the babies we have lost- after this one, I really did not feel like we had lost that baby for good, just that he wasn't quite ready to come down yet.

The second miscarriage happened at 5 weeks and the third at 6 weeks. After our first loss, she put me on progesterone to help my lower levels. For both, my levels were sufficient- the timing just wasn't right. Each one, a little more perplexing and sad....wondering are we supposed to have our own children?? What is the lesson to be learned here??

The forth pregnancy happened immediately after the third miscarriage. We did not tell anyone right away. It got to the point after so many hopes and failed pregnancies, that when we would tell people I would almost feel stupid saying that I was only 5 or 6 weeks along, as if they were thinking " why are you telling people you are pregnant with your history and when you are only a few weeks along". Maybe it is and maybe it's not what they were thinking but it's how I felt. We went to the dr immediately. She put me on injectable blood thinners as a precaution to make sure the blood was getting to the baby through the placenta well enough. Every day I gave myself injections in the stomach and weekly Cody gave me progesterone shots in my rear. Blood tests came back great for my hormone levels as well as the pregnancy levels. They were rising so dramatically that they even thought maybe we were going to get more than one this time! I was renewed and hopeful. I went for an ultrasound at 5 weeks- looked good. 7 weeks- beating heart and size appropriate. 9 weeks- the baby looked small to me. They said the dates might be off or maybe it is just measuring small for the age. I worked on Saturdays for this OB all the way through hygiene school and I knew that for 9 weeks, that is not what the ultrasound looks like. She said we would just wait a couple weeks and do another ultrasound. Around this time I had commented to Cody that I must be becoming tougher or something because my weekly shots were not hurting as much. Later, we found out that the pharmacy had filled my prescription incorrectly and I was getting half the dose of progesterone that I should have been getting. This news combined with the unsettling ultrasound, was putting me very close to the edge. A lot of prayer and a priesthood blessing from my very worth husband and father, helped put me at ease. The next ultrasound did show that we had again, lost our baby. I had to have another surgery to remove the fetus. I had told Cody that with the other three I had kept thinking for sure it is a boy. We already have a boy name picked out and I distinctly felt like it was the same little boy spirit coming down to us each time. However, with the forth pregnancy, I told him that I really felt like this was a girl this time and that maybe that is why we lost our little boy babies was because we were supposed to have a girl first. They did some testing on the baby and did in fact find out that our last pregnancy has XX chromosomes...a little girl.

I have been tested with every test in the book. They have done chromosome testing with mine and Cody's blood to make sure we are both normal and healthy. All test have come back 100% normal. I have been to a specialist and a genetics counselor- they all say the same thing. I am absolutely normal. It makes you realize how much of life we are not in control of. It doesn't matter how many drugs or hormones or precautions we take, when our Heavenly Father decides that it is time, we will have our baby.

Each pregnancy has been different and has certainly taught us a lot of things- things were honestly could not have learned any other time. I have learn that life has lessons. I think the most poignant lesson that I have learned is that it is not the trials that we are given in life that our truly our tests. It is how we handle the trial and the attitudes we have. Joseph Smith was in jail and asked the Lord how long the people would have to endure such trials before they could have joy and the answer was,

"My son, (daughter) peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well. God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes" D&C 121:8

Well although my "foes" right now are pregnancies and making it to full term, I know with out a doubt that God has a plan, is in control and that nothing happens by chance. This is my lesson to learn. It is not an easy one- I hope I am not sounding flippant or nonchalant about our experiences. They are the very hardest trials I have had to face so far in my life. I am grateful for the lesson learn and grateful for the trust that God sees in me to give me such trials- I know we are only given what we can handle and it is humbling to know he believes in me and Cody enough to give us these trials.

I love my family. I am grateful for their support and love. I love my husband, I could not dream of a better, more worthy man.

Question

So at what point in life does food become an obsession and not a chore?? I guess for some eating is for fuel and not for pleasure. But if you are anything like me, you know what I am talking about when I wonder when do moms have to stop telling us "3 more bites" start telling us "eat what's on your plate first and if you are still hungry you can get more??!!! This point must have been somewhere between 5th or 6th grade. I wish I had an awkward picture to post to truly illustrate my point but I think we all went through an "awkward, chubby, uncomfortable" stage. You know the picture, when the waist band on the shorts pushes out the belly and the inside knee part of the shorts are hiked up a little because you are unaware that they are "crawling". It is also around the time, and only my family will get this, when mom reminds you to wear your jockey. I distinctly remember hearing about baby fat and asking my dad when you know that you have finally lost all your baby fat? Let's face it, if you know enough to ask, it's already gone....start running. Oh to be a kid again and loose all interest in food!

Laundry

Every spec of laundry is clean folded and put away in my house right now. This is a winter miracle. I usually have all the best intentions of doing all my laundry and stop somewhere in the middle with a load in the washer waiting for the transfer, one in the dryer wrinkling, and one completed load in a laundry basket that didn't make it to the folding process. Most of the time the clothes in the washer go through another cycle to stop the mildew stank, the ones in the dryer get taken out one by one as they are needed and the clean load in the basket gets mistaken for dirty clothes and is then re-washed at my next attempt at being domestic. The whites always get done first and are put away....necessities.

Meet Bentley

So we love our dog- Probably a ridiculous amount. And for those of you that don't know and love her already, her name is Bentley. I don't remember at what point she learned what suckers we were for her, but I am sure it was confirmed to her around the same time that she decided that she no longer would drink out of her water bowl because she much preferred the running water in the bath tub. For at least a year now almost everytime we get home and greet her, she trots over to the bathroom door and sits patiently for us to open it and turn on the tub- PARCHED! I am sure from her long day of basking in the sun and taking the trash out of any cans around her. When I say she waits patiently, I mean she sits facing the door and if you don't open it within seconds she starts to paw at it, then scratch at it, the bark at you. We decided it probably wasn't that great for her to be going all day with out drinking because she was so used to drinking from the tub, so naturally we used tuff love and stopped letting her get drinks from the tub so she would learn that she needed to be a dog and drink from a bowl........FALSE, we went out and bought her a ridiculous dog dish......Suckers.